“Too hard”

Greetings readers.  Wow. It’s been a hot minute and a metric f@$k ton has happened since I wrote anything here 8 years ago!  

Cadel is in high school, he is officially a teenager, he is coming up to 4 years post lung 🫁 transplant and 9 months post liver transplant. Yup you read that right two separate transplants and now battling post transplant lymphoproliferative disorder (PTLD) or lymphoma. Yup we are in the oncology world now with tumours, immunotherapy and chemotherapy! 

Yeah the world feels really freaking cruel right now and I need somewhere to vent sooo hiiiiii 👋🏻 

There is not much else to say right now other than that we are riding the waves of the new battle as best we can and it’s been one freaking bumpy ride to say the least.  

We have family close in our inner circle for support but our lives became “too hard” for all the other so called friends we had around us when a little pandemic hit in 2020. Let me unpack this for a minute. 

Bye trash  👋🏻 🗑️.  I always knew it and stupidly I ignored it but you were all such toxic people anyway. They know I know all their little gossip about each other so made me the villain so I would be on the outer and no one would talk to me. Oh the secrets I could tell about how some of you spoke about each other but act so nice in their face. Ha!I no longer sit at tables where I might be the topic of conversation when I get up. I saw it happen to you all time and time again, so of course I knew it would happen to me. It’s funny how you ignore so much when you are just wanting to be supported.  

I tried, I really did but I had to protect my family and my peace so I pulled back. It broke me, it truly did and I was in a very dark place with loved ones concerned for me. I’m good now and processed it all, I see the cockroaches scatter at the local shops when they see us now, it makes me laugh. I just look straight through them, like strangers. They must be so proud of how they acted that they scamper away and bad mouth us to anyone that will listen. 

Ok ok, it seems I did have something to say. Now that rant is done, hopefully I can use this space to vent some frustration to help me navigate all of this. I’m not sure anyone is reading but if you are thank you and please value your worth in your self and don’t put it into others. Trust me I learnt the hard way. Oh and if you are part of the trash so called friends and this somehow found you, 🖕🏻you can report back to the others,  I know you will, you can’t help yourself, have a gossip and feel good as you laugh and make fun of someone’s pain 🖕🏻. Just as an FYI to pass on though I’ve become a much better and truer version of myself, and I think the trash took itself out for me! 

K🌻