It all started in the shower when trying to shave my armpits the razor was blunt, it made me angry. Then my deodorant ran out, this made me mad, my breakfast wasn't one of my favs but I ate it anyway, thinking about what I would really like to be eating and it made me mad. ( I'm doing a 12 week program of planned out food and diet). I had dramas parking my car in the school car park this morning and it made me angry. My newish car got a little ding in it, completely not my fault (honestly I had nothing to do with it) I got angry. You can see where I am going with this. To top it all off Cadel's feeding tube became blocked and I had to remove it completely to unblock it. ( this involves removing the whole thing from his tiny little belly and leaving a gaping, stomach content leaking hole while I unblock it. Stomach juices don't phase me anymore obviously but sorry if you are reading while eating!) Then I had to reinsert the bugger, it had only been out for a few minutes and poor munchkin was asleep so it needed a little force. Have to say that in this moment I am not a Mum, I'm a carer. A mum could never do it as she sees pain cross the face of sleeping child as she pushes a plastic tube into a surgically made hole in the front of a tiny stomach. As a carer it's something I've done several times and will probably do again in the future. Needless to say it was not how I wanted to end my Monday night and it made me really angry and wish the day was done.
That was until I was having a shower preparing for bed ( why do all the moments of clarity strike you in the shower, a blog for another time perhaps) that I thought oh the day is almost done. I then thought why am I thinking this way. I get to kiss all my children goodnight as I do my last laps of the hallways checking all the obstacles for late night dashes to screaming children are packed up, I get to kiss my husband goodnight as he sleeps beside me, stumbling in after falling asleep on the couch and checking on the kids too.
I am lucky. We are lucky. Things could of been very different for our family right now if the Drs predictions were right. They didn't think Cadel would be here with us right now. He is though. He is living proof to never give up and to never take any day, shitty, mediocre or good for granted. I am lucky and tonight as I close my eyes and nod off to sleep (after I've cleared out all these thoughts into a blog) I'll remind my self to count my blessings as I am lucky to be able to say that small things made my day shitty and that one big thing hasn't destroyed me or my family.
Good night, sweet dreams and hope you all count your blessings too.